Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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