wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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