I seem to have left my pride at pride
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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