no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
