At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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