those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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