nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Never joke about your clitoris.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
