How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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