she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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