he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Who died my cat blue again?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
