Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
