If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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