she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
