NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
