Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
