My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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