woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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