Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
