Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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