I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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