i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
