Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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