my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
