Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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