After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize