i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
