i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
