Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
