So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
