My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
