What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
