also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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