and she was petting her beer can
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
