OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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