Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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