The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize