Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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