You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my being single is dangerous.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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