thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
