chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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