so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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