im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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