3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
