I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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