I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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