my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
