I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
