Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
