sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
