Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
