he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
