My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
