you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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