Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
