just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
