Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
