So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
