Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
