The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
