I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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