Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Bring me that man meat
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
