i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
