your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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