good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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