i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
