I just saw a hot homeless man
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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