this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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