In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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