she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
