I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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